Phantom Phone Calls

Phantom Phone Calls – Good or Bad?

The other night I received a phone call about 10 p.m. Now I don’t know about you but when the phone rings that late, I fear something bad has happened to someone on the other end of the line. My heart starts to pound, my palms get sweaty and I actually dread picking up the receiver.

I looked at the caller id to find it was my 23 year old son. I had already spoken to him earlier in the evening so I wasn’t really sure why he was calling back. He’s in the Army getting ready to deploy from Fort Polk, Louisiana. Picking up the phone, I say my usual hello. No response. I hear voices talking in the background, garbled, loud at times, but no one saying hello back to me. I say it again, louder. Still nothing. Ok, now my mother’s mind starts to wander and I think “Oh my god, is he in a fight and he can’t answer the phone, has something happened and he’s trying to call me and want me to get help.” You know the drill; any mother knows exactly what I am referring to.

I start saying Hello louder each time, calling his name. I get nothing but still hear guy’s voices talking. So I sit back on the edge of the bed and start to listen as close as I can. Maybe the phone is in his pocket; maybe he phantom called me by accident and doesn’t realize it.

At this point, I hear another voice say “Oh yeah, well you don’t know what is like to sleep on the ground in 106 degree f***ing weather. Man, it’s a bi**h out there when it’s like that.” Ok, this is getting interesting. Now I’m beginning to think beers are involved and guys sitting around trying to out do one another. So I keep listening. I hear a few snacks of the conversation, then I hear my son (lovely perfect child that he is HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) say “Yah, well when I was 18, maybe 19 you know what this girl and I did?” Then the words get garbled. It’s at this point I’m thinking maybe it’s a good thing I can’t here what he and the girl did cause I probably really don’t want to know (G).

Now, to be fair, I tried to hang up the phone about three times. And the stupid thing would not disconnect. So finally after about the fifth try, it did. I immediately picked up the phone and called him back. He answers very nonchalantly “Hey Mom” obviously not knowing what has just transpired over the past ten minutes.

His loving mother says “Brian, would you do me a favor and tell you buddy I’m so sorry he has to sleep on the ground in 106 degree f***ing weather. That must be horrible.” Big dead air pause on the other end, then he says very slowly Mom, how do you know that?” “Brian, please tell you buddy that for me, would you?” He calls out to the other guy my exact words and now I get a whole room of dead quiet. And then “How does your mom know what I just said?”

So I then say “And you know as much as I love having a conversation with you and learning what is going on, I really didn’t need to know what you and that girl did when you were 18 or 19.” Now, of course I am not letting on that I really didn’t hear the garbled part of the conversation. But he doesn’t know this. His response “OMG, I am turning beet red right now. How do you know these things Mom? This is not good.”

I politely reply, “Take your phone out of your pocket and put it somewhere safe so you aren’t phantom calling me.” “Crap,” is his response. He turns to the guys and says “My mom heard the whole conversation. I phantom called her.” To which now a group of guys are freaking out “You’re kidding right”, “Damn, she heard everything?”

Sigh, yes these are the calls a mother treasures. NOT! But I must admit it makes for good fodder for a blog. So remember if you phantom call me, you might just end up in a blog post. You never know.

Till next time everyone! Happy Spring.